The Amazing Amaya (Part 1 of 3)

Dearest Amaya,

You are loved with such fierceness, in an extra special way, by more people than perhaps the average person.

First, you are loved fiercely by God, who knew you long before you were born. He loved you so much that he brought you into this world without letting any humans decide this or that about you.

Second, you are loved by your tummy mommy, her family, and your birth daddy - with such fierceness that they would make THE most difficult decision of their lives in order to give you what they thought was the best for you, even if that meant not being your mommy, daddy, grandma, and grandpa.

They knew that like your tummy mommy, you were Hope for the world. And in your case, you were Hope for another family.

Third, you are loved fiercely by your mommy, papi, and all of our family. You were loved by us before we knew you. We loved you even more when we first heard about your birth parents. We loved you even more when we met them. And, dear Lord, we were immediately, completely, hopelessly, devoted to you when we met you for the first time, just 2 hours after you were born.

As well, the only way we would be able to adopt was with the help of our community. Over 200 people helped us to make it financially possible to bring you home. As Mrs. H at our parish put it well, when we brought you home you were not just ours, but "Everybody's baby." They love you in an extra special way too.

This is our, all inclusive, story. The story of how you came to become a Garcia, and the joy of our community in a way that goes beyond the average baby. Which makes you the Amazing Amaya.

---

On May 25th 2015, mommy and papi announced that they were adopting.

Mid-July 2016, we had finally raised the money we needed, and completed the adoption home study process. We were on the waiting list. We were in for the long haul, as the prior year the average time on the wait list before being matched had been 18 months.

Your cousin, Z, helped us drop off the profile books,
the final step for our adoption process.

On October 24th, 2016 mommy and papi got a call from The Cradle that a man (S) and woman (E) wanted to look at our adoption profile to learn more about us. We got to read about them first, before giving permission for them to see our profile book.

Most of what we learned about E and S was just demographics and health history: E is Irish-American, Catholic, and her favorite food is "anything made out of potatoes." When I read those things, I was like "This woman and I are bound to be friends." S was Pakistani-American, has a Muslim background, is well educated and plans to become a lawyer.

Both were  in their late twenties - which is the average age of people who place children for adoption with The Cradle. E & S were two long-time friends who had given a romantic relationship a go and unexpectedly became pregnant. E is pro-life and knew that  this child needed things that she could not provide. So she set on a mission to find the perfect parents for you (not that we are perfect - but that we are meant to be with you!) Tummy mommy and birth daddy wanted their baby to have a stable home, with a mom and dad that are together - a situation they could not give you themselves.

It was hard not to fall in love with this couple. We could tell how much they loved you - and that was intoxicating. As well, we had so much in common, even just on this initial sheet of information. Luckily, we had a few people in our lives that were willing to "fall in love" for us, so that we could attempt to maintain our guarded hearts - because nothing was yet for sure.

I had also told my mom (your Granny Shanny) that we wouldn't be telling her anything until we actually got matched with a set of birth parents. Wouldn't you know that immediately after I got the information from The Cradle, I was on the phone with her, and we shared tears of joy just at the possibility that we might have you.

Of course, we immediately told The Cradle to show E & S our long profile. This meant that we would be one of 4 or 5 families E & S would look at for their baby. The profile book had information about our lives, home, and dogs - a bunch of information to help your tummy mommy and birth daddy choose what family you would become part of.

Papi and I also immediately felt all the things: 

Feelings of "meant to be" (This is a match made in heaven!),

A little bit of competitiveness (I mean, how could they NOT pick us? We're adorable!),

Feelings of fear and inadequacy (We have a pit bull. What if they think he'll hurt the baby? Or what if we came off as TOO religious or TOO Catholic and they think we'll be uptight and judgmental or self-righteous? What if they think that, since we had to fundraise to afford adoption, that we can't offer our baby the things he/she might need?)

What is more, we also knew that the due date of this baby was November 19th, just a little under 4 weeks away. And we needed to get a "first 3 months survival kit" of baby stuff together if this was a match. At the same time, we couldn't tell many people about what was going on, because nothing was for sure.

So I was running around getting baby stuff for a baby we had a 1 in 5ish chance of getting picked for. Which was tough. Every item I found I caught myself daydreaming about whether we would be having a little boy or a little girl. If she would have hair. If he would be bigger than newborn size. Trying not to connect this stuff to this baby in particular, and yet part of my heart just knew, despite the chances, just KNEW that this was our baby. 

Papi and I basically drove ourselves crazy for days. We could hardly get any work done, just thinking about the possibility of having you.

We were told that E & S had a meeting with their counselor on Thursday night, October 27th, which was when they would start reviewing all of the profiles. That night, daddy and I coped in our own ways: Papi holed up on the couch cuddling with our dog Sweets, binge watching Stargate. Meanwhile, I painted your bedroom for literally 8 hours straight, ending around midnight, while also binge watching Stargate.

Mommy painted for eight...hours...straight.

As it turns out, your birth parents had moved their meeting to Friday. So we freaked out extra on the wrong day. But still, we were told that the birth parents would not be giving their answer on which family they had chosen until the following Thursday, November 3rd.

We had been praying the rosary each night. But on October 31st, on a whim, we decided to pray the St. Jude Chaplet, the patron saint of Hope.

The next morning of November 1st, All Saints Day, several days before we expected to hear any news, we were on our way to our parish for a meeting to plan that week's Religious Ed class. That's when we got the call: E & S had picked us to be your family!

Our counselor told us that E & S had selected us because they liked that we have a strong Catholic faith life, that we have a community that supports and wants us to adopt a baby, and because we have dogs. Basically, all of the things that we thought might possibly turn someone off to our profile were the things that attracted them to us.

Our counselor also told us to "stay grounded" and to be "cautiously optimistic," as there is always the possibility of a change of heart by the birth parents.

We scheduled the first of our 2 planned match meetings for November 7th, at 5pm. We were so nervous!

To be continued... Read Part 2.

Merry Christmas!

A short and sweet Christmas newsletter from the Garcias:

he 4 Big Things that happened in 2015

1. We started the adoption process - and were overwhelmed by the tremendous support of our family! We received over $30,000 in donations from family and friends!

2. Victor finished his first year with the tactical unit that he really wanted to join in the State Police.

3. Moriah started her business Social Media Mooand starting to get it moving along.

4. We baptized our awesome niece Zara.

3 Things we hope for in 2016

1. We should be on the waiting list for adoption starting in February. The median wait time for placement of a baby is 18 months - but it cannot be overstated how much we would prefer it to be sooner!

2. Baby.

3. Baby.

Home Study: The Interviews

Over the course of the past few weeks, Victor and I have been interviewed together and individually by our social worker Wendy. The first session was with us together and the second and third were individual interviews.

You may recall that I was acting a little insane, thinking about how she might interpret the autobiographies we had to write, and thinking that she might over-analyze mine. One of the key takeaways from the actual interviews (as opposed to the scenarios that played through my head beforehand) was this:

Not a State Trooper

Wendy is just so sweet and understanding and had some really interesting insights about Victor and I.

One of the things I learned is that my husband loves me. And that I am a dingbat. Well, maybe I already knew those things: When we were asked what first made us fall in love with one another I thwarted female stereotypes by not being able to explain myself (perhaps because it is just so obvious, who wouldn't love the guy?) meanwhile, Victor talked about how when he first met me he found someone genuinely unassuming and innocent and for the first time he was able to open up and talk about tough stuff like his time in Iraq.

So serious. "Look like the face on the book!"
2008

Those who know him now might be surprised to know that Victor used to hardly share anything about anything with anybody. What can I say? I broke him. And now when we are in a social setting and he starts oversharing I have no one to blame but myself. I love you, husband.

And of course, when we first met and we were getting to know one another in the library at the University of Chicago, we also connected on a spiritual level. Both of us had Jesus Christ as our Savior, though we came to Him in very different yet similar ways and we found that this grounding was the seat of our deepest connection.

That, and finding an inside joke about fluffy cops and laser-eyed chinchillas hilllllllarious.

    

I think you just...had to be there to fully understand. We don't even really understand it anymore.

It is funny reflecting on those days when we first became best friends. Victor and I were really and truly great friends for while before we ever considered one another romantically, and when that idea surfaced it rose simultaneously with the knowledge that we would be getting married. We more or less went straight from being just friends to being engaged - Which is part of why it was tough to explain what made me fall for him in the first place - because I was the very last person to find out we were meant to be. When did I fall for him? The only times I can recall specifically are literal examples that prove nothing other than that I am a klutz.

Just Friends to Just Married...
and just knocked over their wedding cake.
2010

The main point of these interviews was for Wendy to better understand how our relationship works: how we support one another, how we communicate, and how we disagree. 

In our separate interviews, she asked us what values are most important to us that we want to impart on our child. Despite not having purposely discussed it beforehand, apparently we listed the exact same three items: our spirituality, respect for all people, and the importance of serving our community and neighbors.

So, not that we should have been worried but, as far as the interviews went: I think we passed.

Thank you for joining us on this journey!

Guest Post from Granny Shanny

So, in one of my latest posts I mentioned that we were about to have our couple meeting with our social worker. Remember I was all anxious about how she would interpret the things I wrote about myself? I blogged some of the worst parts from my autobiography and then I blogged parts from Victors autobiography. I was rather hyped up about this meeting with our social worker and made you really wonder what was about to happen at this meeting.

Well, the meeting happened...nearly 3 weeks ago. And the meeting was really interesting. However, work was kind of crazy in October and excuses excuses I didn't get a chance to write the blog post I had promised.

October wasn't all camel kissing, to be sure.
I was planning a Halloween family event at my museum that had
over 550 people in attendance. So excuses excuses I didn't
have much of a life outside of work...there was hardly even
any time to kiss camels!

Yesterday morning I finally found the time to sit down and write the blog post about that social worker meeting. Then my mother, who is visiting us this weekend, came out of her room and I realized a way I could get the job done much faster.

Well, I did.

I asked her if she would like to write a blog post.

And she agreed!

Then I realized that having a post from grandma-to-be would actually be really really cool and even better than writing my own blog post. She was recently sent a DCFS form asking for her opinion about mine and Victor's potential parenting skills. A post like that could give people a lot of insight into the adoption process and also how excited my mother is about us adopting.

Was that again, too much of the honesty? Saying that my first thought was a short cut and then the second was about how wonderful it would be to have my mother post?

Sorry.

Without further ado, here is my mother's post:

"Last week I completed the questionnaire from The Cradle requesting my feedback about what kind of parents I believe Moriah and Victor will be and what I perceive their relationship with each other to be. I must say, giving thought to these questions simply confirms that Moriah and Victor, and this child will be the luckiest triangle to form; everybody wins! (If we get twins, it would be a square, but considering the parents-to-be….well….a square would make perfect sense because in the coolest of ways, Moriah and Victor are rather square.)

Another of the questions inquired as to how many times each year I “see” Moriah and Victor. This was a tough question since we live in different states.   “Not often enough” didn’t seem like a desirable answer, but of course, I had to tell the truth.  However, I followed that answer with “however, with a grandchild in place, I WILL be making many more trips to Chicago.”  TRUTH!

As I visit with the parents-to-be in Chicago this weekend, following a fantastic work event an hour north of their home, I find myself developing the idea of having that “second pad” in the Chicago area. My new job will be bringing me to the state of Illinois – eventually, at least twice a month. I am thinking an apartment (for starters) would be economical compared to hotel stays for weeks at a time. 

Moriah jokes that they could convert the basement to an apartment for me….I’d have to channel Great Granny Annie to plumb in a bathroom downstairs…..but there are attractive benefits that would come with such a setup…(think Granny Shanny spoiling baby). However, I must shake myself back to reality and return to the journey and simply wait to see when the next forks in the road present themselves and how the journey will continue.

Regardless, I am grateful to God to be a part of this journey with Moriah and Victor. I am VERY excited about being Granny Shanny."

Many thanks to my mother for taking some time out of her busy visitation-of-me schedule to give some insight into the grandmother's perspective of the adoption process! I love you mom!

So the post about that social worker meeting is still forthcoming. Really.

Autobiographacrazy Part 2

Victor and I had to have a serious talk about his 7 page (SEVEN PAGE) autobiography. Seriously - We just need to answer the questions the social worker asked of us! But of course, the talk didn't make his autobiography any shorter.

He has a lot to say.

In the previous blog post I told you that his first line is 

"Before I begin the story of my life, I must begin with a brief history of my parents.  I would not be the person I am today without their sacrifices and strength to do what is right."

Because what else would we expect from Victor?

He proceeds to tell the story of how his parents came from two very different backgrounds from different parts of Mexico. Through many trials, they emigrated to the United States. The two met in Chicago at a wedding, were married, and lived for several years in a small apartment with several other families, adding to their family a first and then a second daughter. Victor was born after they had bought a 2 flat house in Cicero which offered considerably more room for his little pinball ways.

Two sisters and little ticklish Victor

“My parents ensured we continued on a “good path” and avoided the public schools.... My parents wanted to keep us from attending the local public high schools which had already become known for having gang issues…  My sister was the first to attend college, graduate school, and eventually earn a PhD."

Victor was very involved and successful in elementary and high school, but during his 1st year of college at University of Chicago he found himself having an inexplicable academic turn for the worse. It was not because of the rigor of his program, but rather he found himself avoiding his school work, church (in which he had always been very involved), and his family. After some attempts to figure things out, including taking a break from school, Victor made a decision that his family found very unexpected.

"December of 2001 I walked into a United Marine Corps Recruiters office and told them I want to join without question.  I remember I had tested high enough where I could have had any job in the United States Marine Corps.  I chose the Infantry.  My recruiter actually tried to convince me to try other things.

I remember him saying, 'Why do the smart ones join the infantry and the dumb ones try to be rocket scientists?'  I was able to get a ship out date for January of 2002."

While it was very tough news for everyone who cared about Victor, it seemed to revitalize him.

"This was a significant moment for me, the day they shaved my head, I felt like I was getting fresh and new start of course in an extreme manner.  After Boot Camp I was sent to Twenty-Nine Palms, California to report to my first unit.  At the same time, my sister started her PhD program at the University of California San Diego.  I would eventually spend every weekend visiting her from my base in the desert."

Victor attempted to reassure his family that he would be fine, nothing bad would happen while he was in the Marines. Then, 

"In January of 2003 I found out my unit would be deployed to Kuwait in preparation for a possible invasion of Iraq, the first of my three deployments. By February we were shipped off to Kuwait.  My unit was a part of the spearhead that lead the “boots on the ground” all the way to Baghdad."

Victor is not in this picture, but he is a hundred yards behind the cameraman.

He returned home boasting only a paper cut and no real mental scars. However, his time back in the US was relatively short.

Don't worry, that mustache isn't allowed in our home.

"My second deployment to Iraq was my hardest and it began in February 2004 and ended in July of the same year. I experience[d] the first true extreme sense of loss.  I have never felt anything like it since.  April 11, 2004 my squad leader, Corporal Daniel R. Amaya, 22, of Odessa, Texas was killed in action leading my squad.  It was not only hard dealing with the loss, but also dealing with the fact that I had to take over as a squad leader.  Every April 11, I remember him by sharing his story of his heroism.  The way I dealt with it was carrying on with my life as best as I could because Corporal Amaya gave his for us all."

Left to right: Cpls Garcia, Zmudzinski, Amaya, and Osborn

"After my third deployment to Iraq, which for the most part was mild compared to the first two, I decided to leave the USMC."

So there you have some snippets of the story Victor told in his autobiography. While this part of his story is certainly an intense one, I would like to show that he is one of the most ridiculously silly people I know - always pulling little pranks on people (particularly me). 

Tomorrow we have our meeting with the social worker to talk about these autobiographies, cultural awareness, and adoption and I will let you all know how that goes!

Autobiographacrazy? Part 1

Where have we been?

We did not give up on the blog.

We were mountain climbing.

Poor Charlie, always losing organs.

No not candy mountain.

Paperwork…mountain.

After the fundraising was done, we could finally turn our focus toward what was required for us before our first meeting with our Cradle social worker, which is scheduled for this Thursday.

YAYYYYY FORWARD MOTION!!!!

The following was part of the packet of information we had to produce:
- Completed Cradle application
- Balance sheet of our annual home budget
- Family tree(s) with details about those family members
- Completed longish/shortish answer questionnaire about “cultural awareness"
- Sign away some rights of privacy and consent to criminal background checks
- An autobiography for each of us

So, most of those things were not too tough - we already had a budget which we just transposed to The Cradle’s form. We had to be able to demonstrate that we could not only afford the adoption process, but, also a baby after that. Which, because of your help, we are able to say we can!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

But the real major task was the autobiographies. We were supplied with a page of questions and we were instructed to make sure we addressed each question thoroughly in our autobiographies. Victor ended up with 7 pages. I ended up with 5. Take that as you will.

The questions were rather errr...probing (See: What's a Homestudy?"). For instance, we were asked to "Describe your relationship with your mother using at least 3 adjectives,” “Tell us about a time you struggled,” and “Describe how you were punished growing up.”

The purpose of this autobiography is for our Cradle social worker to get to know Victor and I better.

So - just follow me for a moment - my husband is a State Trooper and I have learned second-hand that when law enforcement pulls over a driver they suspect as a DUI, and the driver tells the officer “I only had X number drinks,” the officer mentally multiplies X number of drinks by 2-3 times to arrive at the truth.

And so, back to this whole autobiography thing - the whole time I was writing it I was thinking about how, of course, I should be very honest in this autobiography. We all have our many, many flaws. But also, people tend to talk about themselves better than they are in reality so... if I am really, truly honest - will our social worker multiply the bad by 2... or 3? 

For instance, when I wrote:

"My mom and I have a fantastic relationship now, but growing up we had a big issue: we were too much alike. We were/are both a bit bossy and  short tempered which meant that we often had tiffs... My mom still has the exchange of letters that witness one particular flair up that inspired her to write up a numbered list of services with which she regularly helped me (driving me to sports practices, feeding me, etc), and for which she would henceforth from the date of that letter be charging me money for because of my lack of appreciation. I responded in writing with a point by point counterargument to her letter. Neither of us remember what came of it all in the end, but we now read through those letters with great hilarity."

Will our social worker think, “She was just a typical teenager.” or will she think, “She needs anger management…” and

Or when I wrote:

"In my younger years I really did not like school. In 1st grade I would go to the nurse's office every day because I “felt sick.” After being told that I could not visit the nurse's office every day, I started going there only every other day. Although the frequency of my visits to the nurse lessened over time, my dislike of school did not. My grades tended to play more to the latter part of the alphabet and I was suspended twice - once in 5th grade and the other time in 7th grade."

Oh shoot… too honest? Did I just voluntarily incriminate myself? Does my honesty make the social worker think that I am being honest, or is she thinking, "If this is what she admits to, can you imagine what the truth is!?! 2-3x worse at least!"

Wait! Wait!

"From my sophomore year of high school onward I had a near perfect GPA and had begun enjoying school and by the time I graduated I had a 3.8 GPA, was part of the National Honor Society, was captain of the gymnastics team, and had received several awards for vocal and track & field achievements … I went on to get my Bachelor's degree at the Ivy League tier University of Chicago where I graduated with honors as well as vocal, track & field, and leadership awards. I currently hold the record in women's pole vault at the University and am in the top 10 for the 400m hurdles."

Perhaps I just redeemed myself. ... Or will she think I am overcompensating for the paragraphs above?

Well, at least when she reads my sweet, amazing, husband’s autobiography that begins with,:

"Before I begin the story of my life, I must begin with a brief history of my parents.  I would not be the person I am today without their sacrifices and strength to do what is right."

she will know that my husband is possibly crazy for being with me.

Excerpts from Victor's autobiography to come...

Exceeding Goals (Again) and then failing to report it for weeks

So we had our big Next Chapter: Operation Adoption bash at our house on July 25th...

We had over 100 people at our house over the course of 8 hours...

And we have just recovered enough to break out this blog post.

Many thanks to our church friends, a coworker, and my dad for letting us borrow their tents and helping us set them up!!!

Our goal was to fill this fundraiser thermomememememeter (the one BEHIND the bar, don't get distracted by the booze...). You can see we were already close, but not yet quite to our fundraising goal of $15,000 by he end of July 25th.

Many thanks to our tia and to our prima for their bartending services!!!

But before I tell you the final results of the July 25th fundraiser, we have a few more people to thank - family and friends made this event not only possible but a real hit.

Thanks to my sister and my cousins: the sign makers.

Thanks to our niece Z for teaching her daddy (our brother-in-law) how to DJ for our party.

To my mom, for catching this photo of Victor and I - despite being the focus of the fundraiser we somehow managed to go the entire night with getting only this one picture of ourselves taken. (Thanks also goes to mom for helping with all the party making/doing/everythinging.)

And to our primo for making amazing tacos all night long!!

And to my aunt, and my grandma, and my other cousins, and my stepmom, and my stepdad, and my parents-in-law, and my sister and brother-in-laws and our many church friends and our church for all of the set-up, food prep, chair/table borrowing, house cleaning and fixing, and all the many many many things they did to help us make this day just straight up perfect.

And to all a good night.

Oh WAIT WAIT! I was supposed to tell you how the actual fundraising went!!

So remember how I mentioned that our goal was to raise $15,000 by the end of July 25th?

Thermomomoter. Exploded.

In case you can't read the small print and arrows at the top of the thermometer: IT EXPLODED!!!

explooooooooooooooosion!

We raised just under $19,000 by the end of July 25th.

!!!!! $19,000 !!!!!

Which is very exciting particularly when the up front costs of adoption are $30,000. So it will definitely go to use!

And we could still use additional support - because we heard a rumor that after we pay for the adoption, we will also have to pay for a baby.

We continue to leave our fundraising website open for anyone who would still like to help us make our family a reality!

Side note: I have recently been told by my copy editor at the museum I work at that I use too many exclamation points. Well, this is my personal blog! So here are some more exclamation points! WOOHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!