The Amazing Amaya (Part 3 of 3)

Did you miss Part 1 and Part 2 of the Amazing Amaya story? We recommend you read those first!

You whispering to Blue Bear. 1 Month Old.

It was 10:30am November 14th and mommy was working in her office when papi got a phone call. She couldn't hear what the conversation was about but somehow, from the tone of papi's voice she knew exactly what the phone call was about.

Tummy mommy had gone into labor and we were to get to the hospital asap. We weren't packed or ready in the least bit - and we were still in our pjs. We ran around the house like crazy getting everything together, Googling things like “what do you take to the hospital for a baby.” Our counselor told us there was a possibility that we might be spending the night at the hospital, so we took a change of clothes. I called Granny Shanny, and she was beside herself asking us whether she should come right then or wait or what.  We didn't know what to tell her!

Before we left, your birth grandma was already texting us letting us know how things were going. She told us to meet your birth daddy in the waiting area.

On our ride over, we were calling all the immediate family to let them know that we were on the way to the hospital. Los abuelitos and your tias were all very excited. Grandpa, had an interesting response though. When he picked up the phone we said, “Guess what!? We’re on the way to the hospital!” He responded, “That’s funny. Because I’m on my way back from the hospital.” He had just broken his collarbone.

We got there as fast as we could - and saw S and your birth grandparents in the waiting area. Your birth grandparents met us very briefly before going back to the room to support your birth mom. They didn't want your tummy mommy to ever be left alone during her labor.

We sat down with S and had our second match meeting as best we could - none of the counselors were available. We ended up talking with S about all sorts of things - they have lots of friends who all wanted to come and support E, and he had been holding them at bay until she would be ready for them.

Your birth grandparents came back out for about a half an hour to chat with us while E was with her doctor. It was a great conversation - your birth grandmother is a very friendly, warm, woman who is very passionate about her Catholic faith. She grew up in Michigan and they have a cabin near Traverse City. Your birth grandfather was a bit quieter, but also very friendly.

Later, the hospital social worker, Anna, met with us, and told us that we would have a room in the hospital to stay in with you. Which was a huge blessing and surprise to us!

Around 2:30pm they showed mommy and papi to the room next door to where your tummy mommy was birthing you. Your tummy mommy wanted us to have you as soon as possible after you were born - she wanted the best for you. She knew that those first few hours after you were born were especially important for bonding and she wanted you to have that with us.

We waited with the door open to our room. We had been told that you would be brought to us right after you were born. For the next two and a half hours we jumped at the sound of anything rolling down the hallway. Unfortunately for us, we were also right across from the refuse room, so there was constantly something coming down the hallway, slowing as it approached our room.

Not you.

Not you again.

And.... still not you.

A nurse stopped by a bit before 5pm to ask what kind of formula we would like to use for you. I told her we did not have a preference, but that because I would be nursing you after we left the hospital that I did have a special kind of bottle for you to use. The nurse exclaimed "Oh! Well then you should nurse right away!" I asked her what the hospital policy is on that, since I know that most hospitals won't allow an adoptive mother to breastfeed. She said she would look into it.

It turns out the nurse asked your tummy mommy if it would be ok, and your tummy mommy and birth family were thrilled that we would be able to have that extra bonding and nutrition for you! They wrote it into the medical release so I could feed you even while were still in the hospital. Your mommy really wanted the best for you.

Then - we had an amazing thing happen - they didn't bring you to us.

Your tummy mommy asked for us to come to them.

When we walked into the room where your tummy mommy had had you, your birth daddy was holding you. He asked us which one of us would like to hold you first. I practically pushed papi out of the way and said "ME!" (In my defense, papi had a cold, and was afraid to hold you.) They all laughed at that.

I held you close to me. They read out a medical release thing and E, S, and papi all responded at the parts they were supposed to. But I was so distracted I didn't hear a thing they were saying. You were looking up at me, sucking your fingers because you were so hungry. I was talking to you, complimenting you on you already being able to self-soothe. Born with such great skills already! You looked like you were soaking in the whole world around you, so alert.

We put you in your hospital cradle to be wheeled to the next room with us. Everyone hugged with real big hugs. There were tears with mixed emotions by everyone. Your birth grandmother told us "This is really hard, but knowing you makes it easier."

We wheeled you to the next room and the nurses had me sit on the patient bed with warm blankets with you all snuggled up with me. And you latched on just like a champ.

We got you just 2 hours after you were born and I got to feed you your very first meal.

This is all stuff that I know you'll be like "Ugh, mom!" but someday, you'll know how important all this stuff is.

Anyway, papi was all teared up while texting everyone in his phone's contact list while I fed you.

Just after you got your first meal.

After feeding you for about 40 minutes, we wheeled you upstairs for your first bath and hearing test and all that. The nurses were so happy for us, and congratulating us on both the adoption and on having such successful nursing.

All nice and clean after your first bath!

They showed us how to order dinner - we were so enamored with you we had forgotten that we would need to eat at some point. We were so excited that we could hardly understand the menu. Somehow mommy ended up ordering literally just a piece of meatloaf and papi got a wee cup of chicken noodle soup.

Finally, we got to our room and the wonderful nurse Stephanie taught us all sorts of things, like swaddling and sucking boogers out of your nose. I sent your birth grandma a text letting her know what room we were in, and that they were more than welcome if anyone in your birth family wanted to see you or for us to bring you to them..

That night papi went home because he was not feeling well. We wanted him to get better asap so he needed a good night's rest.

That night, you and I had a girl's night in. It was magical. I hardly slept, I just couldn't stop talking to you and snuggling with you. And smelling your sweet baby smell.

In the morning, Granny Shanny came. It's a good thing I was nursing you, because otherwise I would have never gotten a chance to hold you again after Granny Shanny got there. Papi got there in the early afternoon. 

Granny Shanny wasn't very good at sharing.

Birth grandma let us know that your tummy mommy wasn't quite ready to see you again - she was dealing with some more medical stuff - but that she appreciated the offer.

That evening Tia Myrna and Prima Zara came to visit. Zara wanted to hold you like all the adults, but she was too little (only 2 1/2 years old)! 

Tia Myrna and Z visited you in the hospital.

Unfortunately, because your bilirubin was high, you had to spend the next night under the phototherapy lights. You looked like you were at the beach while you were hanging out under the lights, with your little sunglasses. You would put your hands behind your head, and look like you were sunning yourself. While other babies cried under the lights, the nurses said you were "setting a good example" to the others as you were just perfectly content.

You had to go under the phototherapy lights for the better part of 1 day and 2 nights.

The next day, abuelita came to visit. Your birth daddy came to visit you in the evening as well. He brought your blue bear to you then. He didn't want to hold you because you were so peaceful in your little hospital cradle.

Granny Shanny had to share you with abuelita.

That night, your tummy mommy texted us, and we arranged for her to come see you in the morning. She and your birth grandma came. E held you for a little while. She wanted to see you again because the last she had seen you she was still recovering from the birthing.

Unfortunately, she didn't get to hold you for long though as you got hungry again and I had to feed you. They were very happy that I was able to do that. We all exchanged hugs again and promised to stay in touch.

We got to take you home that afternoon. It was unreal hooking you into your carseat and putting you in our car!

You were so small in your carseat going home!

Per her request, we sent Tummy Mommy a text to let her know we had gotten home safe and told her we would also send a picture on Thanksgiving. To which she replied:

“Thank you so much! I hope you all have a wonderful first night together – the first of many, many to come! It warms my heart to think of the three of you together. Can’t wait to see everyone ready for their first Thanksgiving! Sending you and Amaya all of my love!”

And it was a great first night with you, the Amazing Amaya.

The Amazing Amaya (Part 2 of 3)

Did you miss The Amazing Amaya Part 1? Follow the link to check it out!

On November 7^th, 2016 we arrived at the Cradle a half an hour early to talk with our counselor before our first match meeting with your birth parents.

Actually, we showed up in Evanston 2 hours before our meeting, because we didn’t want there to be any chance that we would be late for that meeting.

There were rules for this meeting – ones that the Cradle had given us to study.

We had read them over and over again - we wanted to make sure we followed them. One of the rules was to use language that made it clear that E & S were still deciding on a parenting plan for their child. We were supposed to use phrases like "if you choose to place your child with us" rather than "When you place your child with us" because the birth parents were still deciding, and would still be deciding on the final plan until 3 days after you were born, which is the earliest they could sign the papers.

During our chat with our counselor, Kathy, we talked about all sorts of things. She steered clear of actually talking about the adoption, as we realized she was really just trying to calm our nerves. The only time we really even broached the subject was when she reminded us that E & S are not like most couples who come to the cradle - they were "high functioning" in that they were well educated, had career goals, and had done a lot of research including a well-thought out plan for their baby.

She also told us that they were easy-going and easy to get along with.

Finally, it was 5pm and we were brought up to a room to meet with E & S. We had pizza - with a special gluten-free pizza for E since she has celiac.

When we met them we immediately started joking around with them - they were so easy to get along with. They have a similar sense of humor as we do, and they are so warm and it was clear that they care very much about their baby.

They broke the rules. They talked about you being our, your mommy and papi's child, like it was a given. They had clearly read our adoption profile book multiple times - they quoted things from it about how we knocked over our wedding cake and how our dog Sweets is awful at running..

Tummy mommy said that she actually picked us from The Cradle website originally and that she had requested to see our full profile - which is unusual, as typically The Cradle is the one who pulls 5 profiles for the birth parents to look through. She had clearly put a lot of time and effort into searching for your forever home. She said that when she saw our profile online she was thought "Thank goodness, there are cool people on here who have a lot of fun."

During our meeting we talked about so many things - it's hard to remember. We got to know them and they got to know a little more about us. 

Some things that popped up:

Your tummy mommy has a family dog named Quigley. Papi immediately jumped on that and asked where the name came from. As it turns out, E's father attended Quigley High School Seminary - the same school papi went to. It was a super small school - when the school was operating, only bout 50 boys graduated each year. The coincidence was uncanny!

According to E, S hardly ever sleeps. S has a corporate job, loves to travel - he has been all over the world. He also likes to play sports with his friends and is almost always on some team that is currently in season. He is also a real estate agent, and does that on the side. On top of it all, he is the sort of ringmaster that keeps their group of friends actively hanging out together. This group has been friends since high school, and it sounds just like the show "Friends." Nearly everyone in the group has dated/broken up with one another at some point in time and they are still all a tight-knit group. Also, S really likes Italian food.

S felt that he could not tell his parents about the pregnancy, as they would all but force them to parent you - which he felt was not best for you. He wants the best for you. He did tell his siblings about you.

E is dedicated to her manager job at a store, and is passionate about cultural dancing. In fact, she was still working on the floor at her job and teaching dancing until November 7th, just 12 days before your due date! So she was very healthy and had a relatively easy pregnancy. She is also a talented seamstress and has been making dancing costumes for years.

When she found out she was pregnant, on St. Patty's day, she decided to move back in with her parents during the final part of the pregnancy. Her parents, your birth grandparents, were very supportive of E's decision to give you the best she could - which for her, was placing you for adoption. E wanted us to meet her parents at our next meeting.

E says that while she doesn't make it to church every Sunday, she prays the rosary all the time because it helps her remember that there is something bigger than herself. She said it has also helped her through some hard times in life. She said that ever since she found out she was pregnant, she felt that she was having this baby for someone else. That this was a child for a family who could not have biological children of their own.

Her parents struggled with infertility for 7 years before having E. On top of it, E was an ectopic pregnancy - it's truly a miracle that she made it. For those reasons, her parents gave her the middle name "Hope." E asked if we might consider that as a middle name for you - and we gladly did! And there were so many things leading up to this that made Hope just the absolute perfect middle name for you - especially your story. Not to mention the fact that the night before we found out your birth parents chose us, we had prayed the St. Jude chaplet – the patron saint of hope!

They asked if we had thought about your name at all - and of course, me being me, I had thought about it a ton. But as soon as E said "Hope" I knew it was the perfect middle name. Your first name is in honor of Cpl Daniel Amaya, who was papi's squad leader who was killed in battle. That moment changed papi in so many ways - a lot of what makes papi so dedicated to his faith and to his family revolves around that experience.

Amaya Hope was the perfect name for you.

We scheduled our next match meeting for November 14th at 4pm. At that meeting, we would discuss the arrangements for the hospital. We would talk about whether we would be at the hospital when you were born, how/when we would take you home, and all the logistics. We would also meet E's parents.

However, you had a different plan...

Read on to Part 3...

The Amazing Amaya (Part 1 of 3)

Dearest Amaya,

You are loved with such fierceness, in an extra special way, by more people than perhaps the average person.

First, you are loved fiercely by God, who knew you long before you were born. He loved you so much that he brought you into this world without letting any humans decide this or that about you.

Second, you are loved by your tummy mommy, her family, and your birth daddy - with such fierceness that they would make THE most difficult decision of their lives in order to give you what they thought was the best for you, even if that meant not being your mommy, daddy, grandma, and grandpa.

They knew that like your tummy mommy, you were Hope for the world. And in your case, you were Hope for another family.

Third, you are loved fiercely by your mommy, papi, and all of our family. You were loved by us before we knew you. We loved you even more when we first heard about your birth parents. We loved you even more when we met them. And, dear Lord, we were immediately, completely, hopelessly, devoted to you when we met you for the first time, just 2 hours after you were born.

As well, the only way we would be able to adopt was with the help of our community. Over 200 people helped us to make it financially possible to bring you home. As Mrs. H at our parish put it well, when we brought you home you were not just ours, but "Everybody's baby." They love you in an extra special way too.

This is our, all inclusive, story. The story of how you came to become a Garcia, and the joy of our community in a way that goes beyond the average baby. Which makes you the Amazing Amaya.

---

On May 25th 2015, mommy and papi announced that they were adopting.

Mid-July 2016, we had finally raised the money we needed, and completed the adoption home study process. We were on the waiting list. We were in for the long haul, as the prior year the average time on the wait list before being matched had been 18 months.

Your cousin, Z, helped us drop off the profile books,
the final step for our adoption process.

On October 24th, 2016 mommy and papi got a call from The Cradle that a man (S) and woman (E) wanted to look at our adoption profile to learn more about us. We got to read about them first, before giving permission for them to see our profile book.

Most of what we learned about E and S was just demographics and health history: E is Irish-American, Catholic, and her favorite food is "anything made out of potatoes." When I read those things, I was like "This woman and I are bound to be friends." S was Pakistani-American, has a Muslim background, is well educated and plans to become a lawyer.

Both were  in their late twenties - which is the average age of people who place children for adoption with The Cradle. E & S were two long-time friends who had given a romantic relationship a go and unexpectedly became pregnant. E is pro-life and knew that  this child needed things that she could not provide. So she set on a mission to find the perfect parents for you (not that we are perfect - but that we are meant to be with you!) Tummy mommy and birth daddy wanted their baby to have a stable home, with a mom and dad that are together - a situation they could not give you themselves.

It was hard not to fall in love with this couple. We could tell how much they loved you - and that was intoxicating. As well, we had so much in common, even just on this initial sheet of information. Luckily, we had a few people in our lives that were willing to "fall in love" for us, so that we could attempt to maintain our guarded hearts - because nothing was yet for sure.

I had also told my mom (your Granny Shanny) that we wouldn't be telling her anything until we actually got matched with a set of birth parents. Wouldn't you know that immediately after I got the information from The Cradle, I was on the phone with her, and we shared tears of joy just at the possibility that we might have you.

Of course, we immediately told The Cradle to show E & S our long profile. This meant that we would be one of 4 or 5 families E & S would look at for their baby. The profile book had information about our lives, home, and dogs - a bunch of information to help your tummy mommy and birth daddy choose what family you would become part of.

Papi and I also immediately felt all the things: 

Feelings of "meant to be" (This is a match made in heaven!),

A little bit of competitiveness (I mean, how could they NOT pick us? We're adorable!),

Feelings of fear and inadequacy (We have a pit bull. What if they think he'll hurt the baby? Or what if we came off as TOO religious or TOO Catholic and they think we'll be uptight and judgmental or self-righteous? What if they think that, since we had to fundraise to afford adoption, that we can't offer our baby the things he/she might need?)

What is more, we also knew that the due date of this baby was November 19th, just a little under 4 weeks away. And we needed to get a "first 3 months survival kit" of baby stuff together if this was a match. At the same time, we couldn't tell many people about what was going on, because nothing was for sure.

So I was running around getting baby stuff for a baby we had a 1 in 5ish chance of getting picked for. Which was tough. Every item I found I caught myself daydreaming about whether we would be having a little boy or a little girl. If she would have hair. If he would be bigger than newborn size. Trying not to connect this stuff to this baby in particular, and yet part of my heart just knew, despite the chances, just KNEW that this was our baby. 

Papi and I basically drove ourselves crazy for days. We could hardly get any work done, just thinking about the possibility of having you.

We were told that E & S had a meeting with their counselor on Thursday night, October 27th, which was when they would start reviewing all of the profiles. That night, daddy and I coped in our own ways: Papi holed up on the couch cuddling with our dog Sweets, binge watching Stargate. Meanwhile, I painted your bedroom for literally 8 hours straight, ending around midnight, while also binge watching Stargate.

Mommy painted for eight...hours...straight.

As it turns out, your birth parents had moved their meeting to Friday. So we freaked out extra on the wrong day. But still, we were told that the birth parents would not be giving their answer on which family they had chosen until the following Thursday, November 3rd.

We had been praying the rosary each night. But on October 31st, on a whim, we decided to pray the St. Jude Chaplet, the patron saint of Hope.

The next morning of November 1st, All Saints Day, several days before we expected to hear any news, we were on our way to our parish for a meeting to plan that week's Religious Ed class. That's when we got the call: E & S had picked us to be your family!

Our counselor told us that E & S had selected us because they liked that we have a strong Catholic faith life, that we have a community that supports and wants us to adopt a baby, and because we have dogs. Basically, all of the things that we thought might possibly turn someone off to our profile were the things that attracted them to us.

Our counselor also told us to "stay grounded" and to be "cautiously optimistic," as there is always the possibility of a change of heart by the birth parents.

We scheduled the first of our 2 planned match meetings for November 7th, at 5pm. We were so nervous!

To be continued... Read Part 2.