Baptism + Birth Parents

Dearest Amaya,

You were baptized just two days before Valentine’s Day.

And what a testament to true love it was.

Of course, everyone was a special guest:

Some traveled hours to see you baptized.

Some came despite lots of tough things going on in their lives.

However, there were a few in particular that really stood out: your birth parents.

It was the first time they saw you since we left the hospital 3 months ago.

We’ve been talking to them over email on a weekly basis. We’ve sent them dozens of photos of your smiles, videos of your coos and baby skills, and told them about how you are “the favorite” at daycare.

Before you were born, we had talked with them about what our open adoption would look like. They thought they wouldn’t be ready to see you in person until you were at least 6 months old. This is all because, little darling, they love you so much. And seeing you for the first time would be very tough.

We invited them the baptism just in case they might be ready to see you this early.

They knew that baptism is so important – that you would be joining our Christian community by putting on Christ. So they decided to make the tough, yet wonderful decision to come to the baptism.

We extended the invitation to come by the house earlier in the morning so they could get some quality time with you without all the other people around. They were very thankful for the opportunity.

The morning of your baptism, your birth dad arrived first. Uncle Robert waited with the door open for him. We made a round of introductions – Rachel, Granny Shanny, and Papa Ron were also there.

As soon as your birth father came in the door I handed you to him – and I immediately got a flashback to the first time I held you: Just 2 hours after you were born, we were invited into the birthing room and your birth father asked us “Who wants to hold her first?” I quickly said “Me!” and practically pushed papi out of the way to get to you.

Here we are, on the day of your baptism - so many cuddles and sleepless nights later that it is hard to believe the calendar when it says only 3 months have passed. Here I I am handing you to your birth father – him in his suit, me as your mommy.

You looked up at him and smiled so big.

You look so different – so much bigger than the last time he saw you. Your face is fuller. He’s seen you in photos and videos and Snapchat – but this is different.  And this time, I’m handing you back to him in our living room, in your home. Me, as your mommy.

Less than 10 minutes later your tummy mommy, a friend, and your birth grandma arrived. Your birth father gave you to your tummy mommy to hold. You smiled so big for her too!

While papi and I were going around finishing up getting ready for the baptism, everyone else hung out in the family room and chatted while mainly tummy mommy held you.

You cooed and ooed and smiled with tummy mommy. And when you would cry out, tummy mommy would just pop her finger into your mouth you and you were placated until we could find a binky.

Together, we dreamed about what your future might hold - what you might fall in love with. Tummy mommy commented that you have good “turnout” – perhaps you would be a dancer like tummy mommy. Tummy mommy’s mom said you were tall – which would make you a great pole vaulter, like mommy, no? I said you have long fingers – and before I could finish my statement that you could be a great piano player, your birth father and tummy mommy’s friend said you might play basketball!

When it was time to get you dressed for Mass, I took tummy mommy with me to your room. We stood next to each other, leaning over you, and we talked about how smiley you are and how daycare was going. We laughed about how the tights I got you weren’t tight at all – almost at the same time we said they were “looses” because they were too big for you. After you were dressed I handed you back to tummy mommy to hold until we needed to leave.

When we got to mass, Papi’s side of the family was all on the right side of the church. I nodded hello to them and walked over to tummy mommy who was on the left side of the church, along with some of my family who had happened to have sat behind her. I made sure you were comfortable, handed you to tummy mommy and left you with her, while I went over to the rest of the family to give hugs and hellos.

You birth grandfather met the family at the church.

During mass, I had tummy mommy hold you for most of the time, other than when you were eating. At one point, you were nearly completely asleep in tummy mommy’s arms. She couldn’t help but just look down at you and smile while you laid so comfortably in her arms.

Papi lectured. And per you and papi’s tradition, he took you up to communion for your priestly blessing.

After mass was over, your godmother, tummy mommy, and I took you to the women’s room to change you into your white baptismal dress – the same dress in which I was baptized.

I needed help getting the buttons done up in the back of your dress. I asked tummy mommy to help me, and as I held you up and she buttoned your dress, my mind wandered far into the future – would we be tag teaming together getting you into a white dress for your wedding someday?

As we re-entered the sanctuary, we met up with Granny Shanny. She looked at the big crowd and asked “Do you know how many babies are being baptized today?” I responded, “Just Amaya – all these people are here for Amaya.”

We started the baptism service a little late since you had gotten hungry. In his homily, Fr. Edmond spoke about how your parents and godparents were acting on your behalf , accepting your baptism into Christ as a priest, prophet, and king. That on this day, you committed to try your best to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly after the Lord our God; to proclaim the Gospel with your words and deeds; to serve out of love.

I fed you during most of the homily and service.

When we took you to the baptismal font, you were in a happy mood. It was crowded around the font – there were so many people there.

As your godmother leaned you over the font to have the water poured on your head, you turned to look behind you at the crowd – everyone laughed, including Fr. Edmond. He had to pour the holy water on the back of your head so he didn’t get it into your eyes.

Soon after, he said this blessing over your mother - me.

God the Father, through his Son, the Virgin Mary's child, has brought joy to all Christian mothers, as they see the hope of eternal life shine on their children. May He bless the mother of this child. She now thanks God for the gift of her child. May she be one with her in thanking Him forever in heaven, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I couldn’t help but look in tummy mommy’s direction and hoped in some way that she wouldn’t know how much this prayer meant to me – the church calling me your mother. For some reason, it seemed more official than anything said or documented up to this point.

After the service, we all went back to our home – some 50 or more people were there. Your birth family had to leave shortly after.

A few hours later, things died down and we began opening your presents. Among them were several from your birth family: a medal carried by a chaplain in WWII for papi, an angel necklace with your initials on the back for mommy (tummy mommy has one that matches), a little anchor hope necklace for you, and a perpetual prayer from a friend of your birth family.

And finally, as if all those things weren’t more than enough, this item made us all tear up a bit, in a bag with a pink blanket in it:

“Dear Amaya, 

Congratulations on your baptism! I am so happy to be able to share this day with you and your mom and dad. We all love you so much! When I was little, I had a blanket that I slept with every night. It made me feel safe and loved. I thought you might like one too. The heart patch is a piece of my childhood blanket. Know that I am always with you and love you more than I can ever say. May God bless you now and always! 

Love, Tummy Mommy.”

My dearest Amaya, need I say, that you are so loved? Your story might not be the simplest, but it is certainly one of the most love-filled ones a person can come across.

The Amazing Amaya (Part 3 of 3)

Did you miss Part 1 and Part 2 of the Amazing Amaya story? We recommend you read those first!

You whispering to Blue Bear. 1 Month Old.

It was 10:30am November 14th and mommy was working in her office when papi got a phone call. She couldn't hear what the conversation was about but somehow, from the tone of papi's voice she knew exactly what the phone call was about.

Tummy mommy had gone into labor and we were to get to the hospital asap. We weren't packed or ready in the least bit - and we were still in our pjs. We ran around the house like crazy getting everything together, Googling things like “what do you take to the hospital for a baby.” Our counselor told us there was a possibility that we might be spending the night at the hospital, so we took a change of clothes. I called Granny Shanny, and she was beside herself asking us whether she should come right then or wait or what.  We didn't know what to tell her!

Before we left, your birth grandma was already texting us letting us know how things were going. She told us to meet your birth daddy in the waiting area.

On our ride over, we were calling all the immediate family to let them know that we were on the way to the hospital. Los abuelitos and your tias were all very excited. Grandpa, had an interesting response though. When he picked up the phone we said, “Guess what!? We’re on the way to the hospital!” He responded, “That’s funny. Because I’m on my way back from the hospital.” He had just broken his collarbone.

We got there as fast as we could - and saw S and your birth grandparents in the waiting area. Your birth grandparents met us very briefly before going back to the room to support your birth mom. They didn't want your tummy mommy to ever be left alone during her labor.

We sat down with S and had our second match meeting as best we could - none of the counselors were available. We ended up talking with S about all sorts of things - they have lots of friends who all wanted to come and support E, and he had been holding them at bay until she would be ready for them.

Your birth grandparents came back out for about a half an hour to chat with us while E was with her doctor. It was a great conversation - your birth grandmother is a very friendly, warm, woman who is very passionate about her Catholic faith. She grew up in Michigan and they have a cabin near Traverse City. Your birth grandfather was a bit quieter, but also very friendly.

Later, the hospital social worker, Anna, met with us, and told us that we would have a room in the hospital to stay in with you. Which was a huge blessing and surprise to us!

Around 2:30pm they showed mommy and papi to the room next door to where your tummy mommy was birthing you. Your tummy mommy wanted us to have you as soon as possible after you were born - she wanted the best for you. She knew that those first few hours after you were born were especially important for bonding and she wanted you to have that with us.

We waited with the door open to our room. We had been told that you would be brought to us right after you were born. For the next two and a half hours we jumped at the sound of anything rolling down the hallway. Unfortunately for us, we were also right across from the refuse room, so there was constantly something coming down the hallway, slowing as it approached our room.

Not you.

Not you again.

And.... still not you.

A nurse stopped by a bit before 5pm to ask what kind of formula we would like to use for you. I told her we did not have a preference, but that because I would be nursing you after we left the hospital that I did have a special kind of bottle for you to use. The nurse exclaimed "Oh! Well then you should nurse right away!" I asked her what the hospital policy is on that, since I know that most hospitals won't allow an adoptive mother to breastfeed. She said she would look into it.

It turns out the nurse asked your tummy mommy if it would be ok, and your tummy mommy and birth family were thrilled that we would be able to have that extra bonding and nutrition for you! They wrote it into the medical release so I could feed you even while were still in the hospital. Your mommy really wanted the best for you.

Then - we had an amazing thing happen - they didn't bring you to us.

Your tummy mommy asked for us to come to them.

When we walked into the room where your tummy mommy had had you, your birth daddy was holding you. He asked us which one of us would like to hold you first. I practically pushed papi out of the way and said "ME!" (In my defense, papi had a cold, and was afraid to hold you.) They all laughed at that.

I held you close to me. They read out a medical release thing and E, S, and papi all responded at the parts they were supposed to. But I was so distracted I didn't hear a thing they were saying. You were looking up at me, sucking your fingers because you were so hungry. I was talking to you, complimenting you on you already being able to self-soothe. Born with such great skills already! You looked like you were soaking in the whole world around you, so alert.

We put you in your hospital cradle to be wheeled to the next room with us. Everyone hugged with real big hugs. There were tears with mixed emotions by everyone. Your birth grandmother told us "This is really hard, but knowing you makes it easier."

We wheeled you to the next room and the nurses had me sit on the patient bed with warm blankets with you all snuggled up with me. And you latched on just like a champ.

We got you just 2 hours after you were born and I got to feed you your very first meal.

This is all stuff that I know you'll be like "Ugh, mom!" but someday, you'll know how important all this stuff is.

Anyway, papi was all teared up while texting everyone in his phone's contact list while I fed you.

Just after you got your first meal.

After feeding you for about 40 minutes, we wheeled you upstairs for your first bath and hearing test and all that. The nurses were so happy for us, and congratulating us on both the adoption and on having such successful nursing.

All nice and clean after your first bath!

They showed us how to order dinner - we were so enamored with you we had forgotten that we would need to eat at some point. We were so excited that we could hardly understand the menu. Somehow mommy ended up ordering literally just a piece of meatloaf and papi got a wee cup of chicken noodle soup.

Finally, we got to our room and the wonderful nurse Stephanie taught us all sorts of things, like swaddling and sucking boogers out of your nose. I sent your birth grandma a text letting her know what room we were in, and that they were more than welcome if anyone in your birth family wanted to see you or for us to bring you to them..

That night papi went home because he was not feeling well. We wanted him to get better asap so he needed a good night's rest.

That night, you and I had a girl's night in. It was magical. I hardly slept, I just couldn't stop talking to you and snuggling with you. And smelling your sweet baby smell.

In the morning, Granny Shanny came. It's a good thing I was nursing you, because otherwise I would have never gotten a chance to hold you again after Granny Shanny got there. Papi got there in the early afternoon. 

Granny Shanny wasn't very good at sharing.

Birth grandma let us know that your tummy mommy wasn't quite ready to see you again - she was dealing with some more medical stuff - but that she appreciated the offer.

That evening Tia Myrna and Prima Zara came to visit. Zara wanted to hold you like all the adults, but she was too little (only 2 1/2 years old)! 

Tia Myrna and Z visited you in the hospital.

Unfortunately, because your bilirubin was high, you had to spend the next night under the phototherapy lights. You looked like you were at the beach while you were hanging out under the lights, with your little sunglasses. You would put your hands behind your head, and look like you were sunning yourself. While other babies cried under the lights, the nurses said you were "setting a good example" to the others as you were just perfectly content.

You had to go under the phototherapy lights for the better part of 1 day and 2 nights.

The next day, abuelita came to visit. Your birth daddy came to visit you in the evening as well. He brought your blue bear to you then. He didn't want to hold you because you were so peaceful in your little hospital cradle.

Granny Shanny had to share you with abuelita.

That night, your tummy mommy texted us, and we arranged for her to come see you in the morning. She and your birth grandma came. E held you for a little while. She wanted to see you again because the last she had seen you she was still recovering from the birthing.

Unfortunately, she didn't get to hold you for long though as you got hungry again and I had to feed you. They were very happy that I was able to do that. We all exchanged hugs again and promised to stay in touch.

We got to take you home that afternoon. It was unreal hooking you into your carseat and putting you in our car!

You were so small in your carseat going home!

Per her request, we sent Tummy Mommy a text to let her know we had gotten home safe and told her we would also send a picture on Thanksgiving. To which she replied:

“Thank you so much! I hope you all have a wonderful first night together – the first of many, many to come! It warms my heart to think of the three of you together. Can’t wait to see everyone ready for their first Thanksgiving! Sending you and Amaya all of my love!”

And it was a great first night with you, the Amazing Amaya.

The Amazing Amaya (Part 2 of 3)

Did you miss The Amazing Amaya Part 1? Follow the link to check it out!

On November 7^th, 2016 we arrived at the Cradle a half an hour early to talk with our counselor before our first match meeting with your birth parents.

Actually, we showed up in Evanston 2 hours before our meeting, because we didn’t want there to be any chance that we would be late for that meeting.

There were rules for this meeting – ones that the Cradle had given us to study.

We had read them over and over again - we wanted to make sure we followed them. One of the rules was to use language that made it clear that E & S were still deciding on a parenting plan for their child. We were supposed to use phrases like "if you choose to place your child with us" rather than "When you place your child with us" because the birth parents were still deciding, and would still be deciding on the final plan until 3 days after you were born, which is the earliest they could sign the papers.

During our chat with our counselor, Kathy, we talked about all sorts of things. She steered clear of actually talking about the adoption, as we realized she was really just trying to calm our nerves. The only time we really even broached the subject was when she reminded us that E & S are not like most couples who come to the cradle - they were "high functioning" in that they were well educated, had career goals, and had done a lot of research including a well-thought out plan for their baby.

She also told us that they were easy-going and easy to get along with.

Finally, it was 5pm and we were brought up to a room to meet with E & S. We had pizza - with a special gluten-free pizza for E since she has celiac.

When we met them we immediately started joking around with them - they were so easy to get along with. They have a similar sense of humor as we do, and they are so warm and it was clear that they care very much about their baby.

They broke the rules. They talked about you being our, your mommy and papi's child, like it was a given. They had clearly read our adoption profile book multiple times - they quoted things from it about how we knocked over our wedding cake and how our dog Sweets is awful at running..

Tummy mommy said that she actually picked us from The Cradle website originally and that she had requested to see our full profile - which is unusual, as typically The Cradle is the one who pulls 5 profiles for the birth parents to look through. She had clearly put a lot of time and effort into searching for your forever home. She said that when she saw our profile online she was thought "Thank goodness, there are cool people on here who have a lot of fun."

During our meeting we talked about so many things - it's hard to remember. We got to know them and they got to know a little more about us. 

Some things that popped up:

Your tummy mommy has a family dog named Quigley. Papi immediately jumped on that and asked where the name came from. As it turns out, E's father attended Quigley High School Seminary - the same school papi went to. It was a super small school - when the school was operating, only bout 50 boys graduated each year. The coincidence was uncanny!

According to E, S hardly ever sleeps. S has a corporate job, loves to travel - he has been all over the world. He also likes to play sports with his friends and is almost always on some team that is currently in season. He is also a real estate agent, and does that on the side. On top of it all, he is the sort of ringmaster that keeps their group of friends actively hanging out together. This group has been friends since high school, and it sounds just like the show "Friends." Nearly everyone in the group has dated/broken up with one another at some point in time and they are still all a tight-knit group. Also, S really likes Italian food.

S felt that he could not tell his parents about the pregnancy, as they would all but force them to parent you - which he felt was not best for you. He wants the best for you. He did tell his siblings about you.

E is dedicated to her manager job at a store, and is passionate about cultural dancing. In fact, she was still working on the floor at her job and teaching dancing until November 7th, just 12 days before your due date! So she was very healthy and had a relatively easy pregnancy. She is also a talented seamstress and has been making dancing costumes for years.

When she found out she was pregnant, on St. Patty's day, she decided to move back in with her parents during the final part of the pregnancy. Her parents, your birth grandparents, were very supportive of E's decision to give you the best she could - which for her, was placing you for adoption. E wanted us to meet her parents at our next meeting.

E says that while she doesn't make it to church every Sunday, she prays the rosary all the time because it helps her remember that there is something bigger than herself. She said it has also helped her through some hard times in life. She said that ever since she found out she was pregnant, she felt that she was having this baby for someone else. That this was a child for a family who could not have biological children of their own.

Her parents struggled with infertility for 7 years before having E. On top of it, E was an ectopic pregnancy - it's truly a miracle that she made it. For those reasons, her parents gave her the middle name "Hope." E asked if we might consider that as a middle name for you - and we gladly did! And there were so many things leading up to this that made Hope just the absolute perfect middle name for you - especially your story. Not to mention the fact that the night before we found out your birth parents chose us, we had prayed the St. Jude chaplet – the patron saint of hope!

They asked if we had thought about your name at all - and of course, me being me, I had thought about it a ton. But as soon as E said "Hope" I knew it was the perfect middle name. Your first name is in honor of Cpl Daniel Amaya, who was papi's squad leader who was killed in battle. That moment changed papi in so many ways - a lot of what makes papi so dedicated to his faith and to his family revolves around that experience.

Amaya Hope was the perfect name for you.

We scheduled our next match meeting for November 14th at 4pm. At that meeting, we would discuss the arrangements for the hospital. We would talk about whether we would be at the hospital when you were born, how/when we would take you home, and all the logistics. We would also meet E's parents.

However, you had a different plan...

Read on to Part 3...