Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Autobiographacrazy Part 2

Victor and I had to have a serious talk about his 7 page (SEVEN PAGE) autobiography. Seriously - We just need to answer the questions the social worker asked of us! But of course, the talk didn't make his autobiography any shorter.

He has a lot to say.

In the previous blog post I told you that his first line is 

"Before I begin the story of my life, I must begin with a brief history of my parents.  I would not be the person I am today without their sacrifices and strength to do what is right."

Because what else would we expect from Victor?

He proceeds to tell the story of how his parents came from two very different backgrounds from different parts of Mexico. Through many trials, they emigrated to the United States. The two met in Chicago at a wedding, were married, and lived for several years in a small apartment with several other families, adding to their family a first and then a second daughter. Victor was born after they had bought a 2 flat house in Cicero which offered considerably more room for his little pinball ways.

Two sisters and little ticklish Victor
“My parents ensured we continued on a “good path” and avoided the public schools.... My parents wanted to keep us from attending the local public high schools which had already become known for having gang issues…  My sister was the first to attend college, graduate school, and eventually earn a PhD."

Victor was very involved and successful in elementary and high school, but during his 1st year of college at University of Chicago he found himself having an inexplicable academic turn for the worse. It was not because of the rigor of his program, but rather he found himself avoiding his school work, church (in which he had always been very involved), and his family. After some attempts to figure things out, including taking a break from school, Victor made a decision that his family found very unexpected.


"December of 2001 I walked into a United Marine Corps Recruiters office and told them I want to join without question.  I remember I had tested high enough where I could have had any job in the United States Marine Corps.  I chose the Infantry.  My recruiter actually tried to convince me to try other things.
I remember him saying, 'Why do the smart ones join the infantry and the dumb ones try to be rocket scientists?'  I was able to get a ship out date for January of 2002."

While it was very tough news for everyone who cared about Victor, it seemed to revitalize him.

"This was a significant moment for me, the day they shaved my head, I felt like I was getting fresh and new start of course in an extreme manner.  After Boot Camp I was sent to Twenty-Nine Palms, California to report to my first unit.  At the same time, my sister started her PhD program at the University of California San Diego.  I would eventually spend every weekend visiting her from my base in the desert."

Victor attempted to reassure his family that he would be fine, nothing bad would happen while he was in the Marines. Then, 

"In January of 2003 I found out my unit would be deployed to Kuwait in preparation for a possible invasion of Iraq, the first of my three deployments. By February we were shipped off to Kuwait.  My unit was a part of the spearhead that lead the “boots on the ground” all the way to Baghdad."

Victor is not in this picture, but he is a hundred yards behind the cameraman.

He returned home boasting only a paper cut and no real mental scars. However, his time back in the US was relatively short.


Don't worry, that mustache isn't allowed in our home.
"My second deployment to Iraq was my hardest and it began in February 2004 and ended in July of the same year. I experience[d] the first true extreme sense of loss.  I have never felt anything like it since.  April 11, 2004 my squad leader, Corporal Daniel R. Amaya, 22, of Odessa, Texas was killed in action leading my squad.  It was not only hard dealing with the loss, but also dealing with the fact that I had to take over as a squad leader.  Every April 11, I remember him by sharing his story of his heroism.  The way I dealt with it was carrying on with my life as best as I could because Corporal Amaya gave his for us all."

Left to right: Cpls Garcia, Zmudzinski, Amaya, and Osborn

"After my third deployment to Iraq, which for the most part was mild compared to the first two, I decided to leave the USMC."


So there you have some snippets of the story Victor told in his autobiography. While this part of his story is certainly an intense one, I would like to show that he is one of the most ridiculously silly people I know - always pulling little pranks on people (particularly me). 

Tomorrow we have our meeting with the social worker to talk about these autobiographies, cultural awareness, and adoption and I will let you all know how that goes!

Monday, October 19, 2015

Autobiographacrazy? Part 1

Where have we been?

We did not give up on the blog.

We were mountain climbing.

Poor Charlie, always losing organs.
No not candy mountain.

Paperwork…mountain.



After the fundraising was done, we could finally turn our focus toward what was required for us before our first meeting with our Cradle social worker, which is scheduled for this Thursday.

YAYYYYY FORWARD MOTION!!!!

The following was part of the packet of information we had to produce:
- Completed Cradle application
- Balance sheet of our annual home budget
- Family tree(s) with details about those family members
- Completed longish/shortish answer questionnaire about “cultural awareness"
- Sign away some rights of privacy and consent to criminal background checks
- An autobiography for each of us

So, most of those things were not too tough - we already had a budget which we just transposed to The Cradle’s form. We had to be able to demonstrate that we could not only afford the adoption process, but, also a baby after that. Which, because of your help, we are able to say we can!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!

But the real major task was the autobiographies. We were supplied with a page of questions and we were instructed to make sure we addressed each question thoroughly in our autobiographies. Victor ended up with 7 pages. I ended up with 5. Take that as you will.

The questions were rather errr...probing (See: What's a Homestudy?"). For instance, we were asked to "Describe your relationship with your mother using at least 3 adjectives,” “Tell us about a time you struggled,” and “Describe how you were punished growing up.”

The purpose of this autobiography is for our Cradle social worker to get to know Victor and I better.

So - just follow me for a moment - my husband is a State Trooper and I have learned second-hand that when law enforcement pulls over a driver they suspect as a DUI, and the driver tells the officer “I only had X number drinks,” the officer mentally multiplies X number of drinks by 2-3 times to arrive at the truth.

And so, back to this whole autobiography thing - the whole time I was writing it I was thinking about how, of course, I should be very honest in this autobiography. We all have our many, many flaws. But also, people tend to talk about themselves better than they are in reality so... if I am really, truly honest - will our social worker multiply the bad by 2... or 3? 

For instance, when I wrote:

"My mom and I have a fantastic relationship now, but growing up we had a big issue: we were too much alike. We were/are both a bit bossy and  short tempered which meant that we often had tiffs... My mom still has the exchange of letters that witness one particular flair up that inspired her to write up a numbered list of services with which she regularly helped me (driving me to sports practices, feeding me, etc), and for which she would henceforth from the date of that letter be charging me money for because of my lack of appreciation. I responded in writing with a point by point counterargument to her letter. Neither of us remember what came of it all in the end, but we now read through those letters with great hilarity."

Will our social worker think, “She was just a typical teenager.” or will she think, “She needs anger management…” and



Or when I wrote:

"In my younger years I really did not like school. In 1st grade I would go to the nurse's office every day because I “felt sick.” After being told that I could not visit the nurse's office every day, I started going there only every other day. Although the frequency of my visits to the nurse lessened over time, my dislike of school did not. My grades tended to play more to the latter part of the alphabet and I was suspended twice - once in 5th grade and the other time in 7th grade."

Oh shoot… too honest? Did I just voluntarily incriminate myself? Does my honesty make the social worker think that I am being honest, or is she thinking, "If this is what she admits to, can you imagine what the truth is!?! 2-3x worse at least!"

Wait! Wait!

"From my sophomore year of high school onward I had a near perfect GPA and had begun enjoying school and by the time I graduated I had a 3.8 GPA, was part of the National Honor Society, was captain of the gymnastics team, and had received several awards for vocal and track & field achievements … I went on to get my Bachelor's degree at the Ivy League tier University of Chicago where I graduated with honors as well as vocal, track & field, and leadership awards. I currently hold the record in women's pole vault at the University and am in the top 10 for the 400m hurdles."

Perhaps I just redeemed myself. ... Or will she think I am overcompensating for the paragraphs above?

Well, at least when she reads my sweet, amazing, husband’s autobiography that begins with,:

"Before I begin the story of my life, I must begin with a brief history of my parents.  I would not be the person I am today without their sacrifices and strength to do what is right."

she will know that my husband is possibly crazy for being with me.

Excerpts from Victor's autobiography to come...