Baptism + Birth Parents

Dearest Amaya,

You were baptized just two days before Valentine’s Day.

And what a testament to true love it was.

Of course, everyone was a special guest:

Some traveled hours to see you baptized.

Some came despite lots of tough things going on in their lives.

However, there were a few in particular that really stood out: your birth parents.

It was the first time they saw you since we left the hospital 3 months ago.

We’ve been talking to them over email on a weekly basis. We’ve sent them dozens of photos of your smiles, videos of your coos and baby skills, and told them about how you are “the favorite” at daycare.

Before you were born, we had talked with them about what our open adoption would look like. They thought they wouldn’t be ready to see you in person until you were at least 6 months old. This is all because, little darling, they love you so much. And seeing you for the first time would be very tough.

We invited them the baptism just in case they might be ready to see you this early.

They knew that baptism is so important – that you would be joining our Christian community by putting on Christ. So they decided to make the tough, yet wonderful decision to come to the baptism.

We extended the invitation to come by the house earlier in the morning so they could get some quality time with you without all the other people around. They were very thankful for the opportunity.

The morning of your baptism, your birth dad arrived first. Uncle Robert waited with the door open for him. We made a round of introductions – Rachel, Granny Shanny, and Papa Ron were also there.

As soon as your birth father came in the door I handed you to him – and I immediately got a flashback to the first time I held you: Just 2 hours after you were born, we were invited into the birthing room and your birth father asked us “Who wants to hold her first?” I quickly said “Me!” and practically pushed papi out of the way to get to you.

Here we are, on the day of your baptism - so many cuddles and sleepless nights later that it is hard to believe the calendar when it says only 3 months have passed. Here I I am handing you to your birth father – him in his suit, me as your mommy.

You looked up at him and smiled so big.

You look so different – so much bigger than the last time he saw you. Your face is fuller. He’s seen you in photos and videos and Snapchat – but this is different.  And this time, I’m handing you back to him in our living room, in your home. Me, as your mommy.

Less than 10 minutes later your tummy mommy, a friend, and your birth grandma arrived. Your birth father gave you to your tummy mommy to hold. You smiled so big for her too!

While papi and I were going around finishing up getting ready for the baptism, everyone else hung out in the family room and chatted while mainly tummy mommy held you.

You cooed and ooed and smiled with tummy mommy. And when you would cry out, tummy mommy would just pop her finger into your mouth you and you were placated until we could find a binky.

Together, we dreamed about what your future might hold - what you might fall in love with. Tummy mommy commented that you have good “turnout” – perhaps you would be a dancer like tummy mommy. Tummy mommy’s mom said you were tall – which would make you a great pole vaulter, like mommy, no? I said you have long fingers – and before I could finish my statement that you could be a great piano player, your birth father and tummy mommy’s friend said you might play basketball!

When it was time to get you dressed for Mass, I took tummy mommy with me to your room. We stood next to each other, leaning over you, and we talked about how smiley you are and how daycare was going. We laughed about how the tights I got you weren’t tight at all – almost at the same time we said they were “looses” because they were too big for you. After you were dressed I handed you back to tummy mommy to hold until we needed to leave.

When we got to mass, Papi’s side of the family was all on the right side of the church. I nodded hello to them and walked over to tummy mommy who was on the left side of the church, along with some of my family who had happened to have sat behind her. I made sure you were comfortable, handed you to tummy mommy and left you with her, while I went over to the rest of the family to give hugs and hellos.

You birth grandfather met the family at the church.

During mass, I had tummy mommy hold you for most of the time, other than when you were eating. At one point, you were nearly completely asleep in tummy mommy’s arms. She couldn’t help but just look down at you and smile while you laid so comfortably in her arms.

Papi lectured. And per you and papi’s tradition, he took you up to communion for your priestly blessing.

After mass was over, your godmother, tummy mommy, and I took you to the women’s room to change you into your white baptismal dress – the same dress in which I was baptized.

I needed help getting the buttons done up in the back of your dress. I asked tummy mommy to help me, and as I held you up and she buttoned your dress, my mind wandered far into the future – would we be tag teaming together getting you into a white dress for your wedding someday?

As we re-entered the sanctuary, we met up with Granny Shanny. She looked at the big crowd and asked “Do you know how many babies are being baptized today?” I responded, “Just Amaya – all these people are here for Amaya.”

We started the baptism service a little late since you had gotten hungry. In his homily, Fr. Edmond spoke about how your parents and godparents were acting on your behalf , accepting your baptism into Christ as a priest, prophet, and king. That on this day, you committed to try your best to act justly, to love tenderly, and to walk humbly after the Lord our God; to proclaim the Gospel with your words and deeds; to serve out of love.

I fed you during most of the homily and service.

When we took you to the baptismal font, you were in a happy mood. It was crowded around the font – there were so many people there.

As your godmother leaned you over the font to have the water poured on your head, you turned to look behind you at the crowd – everyone laughed, including Fr. Edmond. He had to pour the holy water on the back of your head so he didn’t get it into your eyes.

Soon after, he said this blessing over your mother - me.

God the Father, through his Son, the Virgin Mary's child, has brought joy to all Christian mothers, as they see the hope of eternal life shine on their children. May He bless the mother of this child. She now thanks God for the gift of her child. May she be one with her in thanking Him forever in heaven, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I couldn’t help but look in tummy mommy’s direction and hoped in some way that she wouldn’t know how much this prayer meant to me – the church calling me your mother. For some reason, it seemed more official than anything said or documented up to this point.

After the service, we all went back to our home – some 50 or more people were there. Your birth family had to leave shortly after.

A few hours later, things died down and we began opening your presents. Among them were several from your birth family: a medal carried by a chaplain in WWII for papi, an angel necklace with your initials on the back for mommy (tummy mommy has one that matches), a little anchor hope necklace for you, and a perpetual prayer from a friend of your birth family.

And finally, as if all those things weren’t more than enough, this item made us all tear up a bit, in a bag with a pink blanket in it:

“Dear Amaya, 

Congratulations on your baptism! I am so happy to be able to share this day with you and your mom and dad. We all love you so much! When I was little, I had a blanket that I slept with every night. It made me feel safe and loved. I thought you might like one too. The heart patch is a piece of my childhood blanket. Know that I am always with you and love you more than I can ever say. May God bless you now and always! 

Love, Tummy Mommy.”

My dearest Amaya, need I say, that you are so loved? Your story might not be the simplest, but it is certainly one of the most love-filled ones a person can come across.