5 of 10 Interesting Things from Adoption 101
There were tears shed during Saturday's Adoption 101 class at The Cradle, but there was also a lot of laughter. During the 8 hour session that was the first of many classes that potential adoptive families must take, we were encouraged to express our hopes and our fears about the adoption process. The information shared by Cradle staff throughout the session abated many of those expressed fears, but it also gave us new ones - forcing us to focus on aspects of the adoptive life that are of real consequence.
For probably all of us couples, it was the first time we had met any other couples that were currently going through the adoption process. And I have no way to describe meeting them other than: it was amazing. As a group, we also got to meet people who have already been part of the adoption process: an adult adoptee, a biological mother, and three transracial adoptive families.
Here are just the first half of the 10 key moments/takeaways/statistics/things from the day, in no particular order. For brevity, I will share the other 4 later this week:
1. In the past 95 years of The Cradle's existence - having placed nearly 16,000 adoptions - not one has been overturned. The main takeaway from this was that adoptive families, biological families, and perhaps just no one ever should ever watch the Lifetime Channel...ever. The story of the person coming out of nowhere and saying they are your real mother... it just... it really doesn't happen when an adoption is done right. So just... stop it. Stop it. No more Lifetime Channel.
3. The average age of biological mothers giving children for adoption is 24. While there is the occasional teen mom that gives a child for adoption through the agency, teens aren't nearly the portion of the statistic that many people would assume. I have another rant that I could go on here, but I am holding myself back.
4. About 50% of biological dads are involved in the process of giving the child up for adoption through The Cradle. "Involvement" could include simply signing off his rights, but it also sometimes means helping to select adoptive parents for the child. I am holding myself back from this rant. Don't rant Moriah. Don't rant. This is a list. No room for rants.
5. "I don't want to be called 'hero.' I want to be called 'dad,'" said one potential adoptive parent in our discussion - A statement which was followed by a round of potential adoptive parent nods of intense agreement.
Oh my goodnesssssssss... here comes a rant.
Most of the couples attending Adoption 101 were just beginning to tell family and friends that they are going to adopt a child. For most of those couples, they had been trying to build their families biologically for years, having gone through fertility treatment after fertility treatment and the intense highs and lows of that whole scenario, before making the decision to complete their family through adoption. By the time they make the announcement to family and friends that they are going to adopt, they have been battered with the host of emotions that comes from years of trying to conceive a "normal" family.
Because, as a society, we are only just beginning to discuss adoption openly and it is only just becoming less taboo, a lot of people don't know how to respond when they hear that a close friend or family member is going to adopt. Nearly every person has met someone that has been part of the adoption process (such as an adoptee, adopter, biological parent) yet ironically the first image that comes to their mind is of some celebrity adopting a starving child from a 3rd World Nation.
*Caveat: We all know that the response that I am about to highlight comes from a place of love, but I am just letting you know here that this is what a small sampling implies that a large contingent of adoptive families feel.*
Here is what people sometimes say in response to "We are going to adopt.":
"I think you are a hero."
*Once again, I put the caveat out there that this is definitely not the scenario for all people who are adopting, and that we know that this "hero" statement is said out of love.*
This is why we don't like it:
In this country (USA!), a normal healthy baby is 99.9999% of the time going to be adopted. End of story. There are extensive lists of people who want to adopt babies and those people are sometimes waiting on those lists for years before they have the opportunity to bless their home with a child.
We don't want to be called "heroes." And we don't mean that in a modest way. We want to be called "mom" or "dad" and we are not willing to accept anything less.
"Hero" is less to us. "Hero" is something different. We are not saving a child. If anything, a child is saving us.
Not a hero. Not being modest. Just being honest.
*And again here is the caveat - not all people pursuing adoption fit into this category.*
Rant complete. Resume list. No more rants allowed.
So there you have it - 5 of the...um... 10 things... from Adoption 101. Plus a bonus rant. Yes - we will call it a "bonus."
By the way we have officially raised over $10,000 for our fundraiser (checks included, which do not show up on the crowdfunding site). Five Thousand Dollars more to go to meet our July 25th goal! WOO! https://www.purecharity.com/garcias-adoptYAY! PANDA!
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